NormLaban Trilogy, Part Three (2005)
Lights up on Astable tied to a pole centre stage, facing the audience. A bench is over his left shoulder and a cabinet is in front and to the left. Enter Amobile constantly on the move.
Amobile: For the sake of continuity
I should preface my speech by saying
That I find you irresistibly rooted!
Astable: Stop vacillating; one minute you do and now you don’t. What’s this all about?
Amobile: You have something of mine
Something that belongs rightfully to me
And I want it back.
Astable: I know you think this is yours but you have something of mine and I want it back. Let’s not do this, I shall keep yours and you shall give mine back to boot.
Amobile: I don’t want your boots
What I want is my cook book.
Astable: And I want my spectacles.
Amobile: Well let’s swap.
Astable: Without these specs, I won’t be able to read the book.
Amobile: And without this book
I’ll having naught to read.
Astable: If I could just have my spectacles please.
Amobile: Not without my cookery manual
To it’s rightful owner: me.
Amobile makes efforts to retrieve the the book from Astables groin.
Astable: You will never have this cookbook, not while I am rooted like this.
Amobile gives up unable to pry the book loose.
Amobile: It’s no good, I’m too weak.
Astable: Don’t forget heavy.
Amobile: And heavy.
Astable: And rigid and shambolic.
Amobile: Yes I’m all that, but what do we make of you?
You’re slow and spasmodic, loose and of course
How can we forget – rooted!
Astable: If you could just pass me that knife I could solve two of my problems.
Amobile: Let’s see if we can find that
I’ll just put on my spectacles.
Astable: It’s so nice to have your own spot, don’t you think so?
Amobile: Rooted as you are; roo-ted!
Astable: Farked as you are; far-ked!
Amobile: I saw christians, be quiet.
Astable rummages through a cabinet via the foot.
Astable: There are some of those in the cabinet.
Astable stops looking
Amobile: It’s not bad is it though?
To be that way
Is it?
Astable: To be in the cabinet in our condition is to be christian.
Amobile: In this state.
Astable: In this state.
Amobile: Is it the fault of our state?
Or the fault of the cabinet?
Astable: Who can blame a cabinet for being made of wood?
Amobile: We need new cabinets and new materials
Darker woods.
Astable: This is a dark wood, can you see any trees?
Amobile: Your pole looks to be wood.
Astable: Then cut it down.
Amobile: I’ll get the knife.
Amobile attempts to cut the pole down; makes no impact.
Astable: Liberation! - What difference does it make?
Amobile startled stops cutting leaving Astable tied.
Amobile: Meaning?
Astable: Meaning: it’s all wood isn’t it?
Amobile: Now that you mention it.
Astable: In the future we will not need furniture.
Amobile: Is that because we will be dead?
Astable: Dead, quite dead.
Amobile: We could make furniture of ourselves.
Astable: I used to be a reading lamp.
Amobile: I could be a bed
You could lie on top of me.
Astable: If only you were and I could; But my hands are tied and my feet and the rest; the moving bits
Amobile: Not even you are that strong
Those silvery cuffs are unbreakable.
Astable struggles to be free and then gives up.
Astable: These cuffs are as much me as my wrists are.
Astable hangs head.
Amobile: Cheer up. look at me, I envy you
I wish I could stop moving – vacillating.
Astable: Hold on to me I’m rooted. You can hold on to me, can’t you?
Amobile: You are aren’t you; roo-ted!
Astable: And you: far-ked!
Amobile: Shall we cook some fish?
Astable: Some goose.
Amobile: Some bacon.
Astable: Some beans.
Amobile: Some turds.
Astable: Fake poo.
Amobile: Sham poo.
Amobile takes some and begins to lather up.
Astable: I must wash these locks of mine.
Amobile washes his locks.
Amobile: You have your silvery locks, and I have mine.
Astable: If you had your book you could make all kinds of sham-poo.
Amobile: You don’t think my locks
Are lovely and sweet
The way they are
Astable: Give me my spectacles and I’ll tell you.
Amobile: You’re making a spectacle of yourself
I mean rooted there like that
And your hair stinks.
Astable: My hair stinks!
Amobile: Right now in high heaven they are
Bemoaning the hair stench.
Astable: You wouldn’t know as if they let your type into high heaven; at the gate a big sign: NO VACILLATORS.
Amobile: Peter’s a family friend.
Astable: Nepotism.
Amobile: You are the father, you are the son.
Astable follows Amobiles direction around the stage.
Astable: You are the mother, you are the daughter.
Astable exhausted slumps to the floor.
Amobile: You can barely see without these, can you?
Astable: Who said that?
Amobile: We have to eat and we both know
That we hate the slop you serve up
Astable: At least my slop has some semblance of tradition about it.
Amobile: Your steak and liver pie.
Astable: It’s certainly better than your blue meats.
Amobile: What if you hold the book and I read from it!
Astable: Yes, yes why didn’t I think of that?
Amobile: That way you can keep the book
And I can have my spectacles.
Astable: Yes, yes why didn’t I think of that?
Amobile: Hold it there on page one
We’ll start at the start.
Amobile begins to read to self.
Astable: What does it say?
Amobile folds the spectacles up and puts them away.
Amobile: Scary stuff, not for the faint hearts but WOW
What a way to start. Who would have thought it
All started with first thing being first.
Astable: Where did it start, was it here?
Amobile: It started in the beginning
And then so on and so on.
Astable: Well I could have told you it started at the the start, but where physically? Did it say at all?
Amobile: I’ll try to recall...something created
Something, and the location was...
Astable: Where? Was it here? I mean, I must be here for some reason. Did I steal a lighter?
Amobile: Did you?
Astable: I only stole it for our sake, we needed a light.
Amobile: To cook with right?
I’ll see if I can find that.
Astable: The others took it and used it.
Amobile: They probably made a discard of it.
Astable points to the ground.
Amobile finds the lighter.
Astable: How weird.
Amobile attempts to create a flame.
Astable excited.
Amobile: No more blue meats for us.
Astable: Do we have a stove? No.
Amobile: Do we even have a fire?
Astable: Doubtful.
Amobile: I’ll make a fire but where to start
First I’ll need some wood.
Astable: We have no meat to cook and besides the stove is completely operational.
Amobile: Would that it was.
Astable: You broke my cooking apparatus, didn’t you?
Amobile: Wood, wood, where can I find some wood?
Astable: Why don’t you just burn my stove top?
Amobile: Would that I could.
Amobile puts the lighter flame to the cabinet.
Astable: We can always make another one of those out of the bench.
Amobile sits on the bench behind Astable and to the right as we see it.
Amobile: How comfy it is to sit on this bench.
Astable: Is it? I thought it would be. We made that bench.
Amobile: We did? Did we? It’s such a fine bench
So ordinary and the wood, so wooden.
Astable: And comfy, right?
Amobile: So comfy, If I was a piece of wood
In this bench is where I’d like to be.
Astable: You need the best wood to make a bench of that quality; only the best, no saps in that bench.
Amobile: And so comfy.
Astable: And no saps, well a miniscule sap content.
Amobile: How would you be to be in this bench?
Astable: Well strictly speaking the cabinet is a finer piece. I mean that piece is top shelf old wood, and not red, no red wood in that cabinet. The bench may have the tendency to go a little red. The base of a bed, under the bed, can redden.
Amobile: This bench will do me.
Astable resting feet on the cabinet
Astable: With a cabinet of this quailty who needs pouffes?
Astable begins to doze off.
Amobile: You’re not falling asleep are you?
How could you misuse that cabinet?
Astable: Look at you, spreadeagled as you are.
Amobile: Well take no notice of me
I’m merely using the bench
As the maker intended.
Astable: And I am storing my feet on the cabinet.
Amobile: That is not a pouffe, you know?
Astable: And that bench is not a bed.
Amobile: I wanted to be bed.
Astable: I was reading lamp.
Amobile: This bench is so fine and comfy too.
Astable: And this cabinet makes my journey so much better.
Amobile: What is that creaking noise?
Amobile falls off the bench as the legs collapse.
Astable: It had to happen eventually, you couldn’t misuse the bench forever.
Amobile now injured examines the wreckage with spectacles on.
Amobile: No don’t rush to my aid, I’m fine thank you.
Astable: Glad to hear it.
Amobile: What a fallible construct.
Astable: Yes, unfortunately the maker is not perfect and the wood far from it.
Amobile: We made it, didn’t we?
Astable: When I had the use of my hands, when I was digital.
Amobile: And I could read.
Astable: We could have that fire. I am rather chilled.
Amobile: Yes I can see frostbite signs
In those feet of yours.
Astable: What if we need a bench?
Amobile: What if we need a bench?
Astable takes feet down
Astable: You can sit on this.
Astable points to the cabinet.
Amobile: Really, I can – sit on this.
Astable: Sit on this.
Amobile: Happy day! It’s been an ambition of mine.
Astable: Now, if you hear a creaking noise – get off. That’s all I’ll say.
Amobile: Straight off!
On the cabinet: me!
Astable: Now, read some more of the book; read the end and I’ll fill in the rest.
Amobile: OK sure, no probs.
Astable: You’ll have to hop off for a sec.
Amobile: I can’t sit here and read the book too?
Astable: It’s only for a bit; just the end.
Amobile: OK.
Amobile hops off and reads the book from Astables groin.
Astable: What is it? What’s wrong?
Amobile reels back in horror.
Amobile: Who would have thought that it would end?
End like that? This changes everything.
Astable: What does? What did it say? Was it bad? Was it about me? Was it? It was, wasn’t it?
Amobile: It was about all of us
You and me included.
Astable: Is it the pole? It’s the pole isn’t it? I can’t lose the pole, It’s me; Oh I’ve tried other fixings but the pole it’s just...me.
Amobile: It’s not the pole!
If anything it’s the cabinet.
It’s not even that.
Astable: Let’s lose the cabinet then, or the book, we could certainly lose that. As long as I can retain my pole, I’m fine.
Amobile: No without that book you’ll lose the pole.
Astable: Is that what it says? The book, the pole, the cabinet.
Amobile: Not in so many words.
Astable: Are you sure you read it?
Amobile: Yes they were words, I believe
Funny looking things – all black
And comprised of the same basic elements,
Words
Astable begins bashing the book
Astable: Bloody farking book!
Astable jumping up and down on the book
Amobile: Don’t bash the book.
Astable: Farking bloody book!
Amobile: Don’t bash the book!
Astable: Book!
Amobile: Don’t blame the book
It can’t help the words
It has printed on it
Astable: Farking!
Amobile: Stop it!
Astable: Book!
Amobile: I’ll burn your pole.
Astable: No.
Amobile: Good, now we can work this out.
Amobile puts the spectacles in the cabinet.
Astable: I’ll put the book in there too.
Amobile places the book in and closes the cabinet.
Amobile: Now.
Astable: Now?
Amobile: Now I’ll reach in and whatever I pull out
Is mine and whatever is left is yours.
Astable: OK.
Amobile: Right, here I go.
Astable: But you’ll pull out the book for certain and I’ll lose my pole.
Amobile: Then I’ll toss a coin
Astable: Do we have one?
Amobile: Rock, paper, scissors.
Astable: My hands are tied.
Amobile: Where are my spectacles.
Amobile retrieves the spectacles and skips off.
Astable sits on the cabinet happily.
Lights out.
Amobile: For the sake of continuity
I should preface my speech by saying
That I find you irresistibly rooted!
Astable: Stop vacillating; one minute you do and now you don’t. What’s this all about?
Amobile: You have something of mine
Something that belongs rightfully to me
And I want it back.
Astable: I know you think this is yours but you have something of mine and I want it back. Let’s not do this, I shall keep yours and you shall give mine back to boot.
Amobile: I don’t want your boots
What I want is my cook book.
Astable: And I want my spectacles.
Amobile: Well let’s swap.
Astable: Without these specs, I won’t be able to read the book.
Amobile: And without this book
I’ll having naught to read.
Astable: If I could just have my spectacles please.
Amobile: Not without my cookery manual
To it’s rightful owner: me.
Amobile makes efforts to retrieve the the book from Astables groin.
Astable: You will never have this cookbook, not while I am rooted like this.
Amobile gives up unable to pry the book loose.
Amobile: It’s no good, I’m too weak.
Astable: Don’t forget heavy.
Amobile: And heavy.
Astable: And rigid and shambolic.
Amobile: Yes I’m all that, but what do we make of you?
You’re slow and spasmodic, loose and of course
Astable: If you could just pass me that knife I could solve two of my problems.
Amobile: Let’s see if we can find that
I’ll just put on my spectacles.
Astable: It’s so nice to have your own spot, don’t you think so?
Amobile: Rooted as you are; roo-ted!
Astable: Farked as you are; far-ked!
Amobile: I saw christians, be quiet.
Astable rummages through a cabinet via the foot.
Astable: There are some of those in the cabinet.
Astable stops looking
Amobile: It’s not bad is it though?
To be that way
Is it?
Astable: To be in the cabinet in our condition is to be christian.
Amobile: In this state.
Astable: In this state.
Amobile: Is it the fault of our state?
Or the fault of the cabinet?
Astable: Who can blame a cabinet for being made of wood?
Amobile: We need new cabinets and new materials
Darker woods.
Astable: This is a dark wood, can you see any trees?
Amobile: Your pole looks to be wood.
Astable: Then cut it down.
Amobile: I’ll get the knife.
Amobile attempts to cut the pole down; makes no impact.
Astable: Liberation! - What difference does it make?
Amobile startled stops cutting leaving Astable tied.
Amobile: Meaning?
Astable: Meaning: it’s all wood isn’t it?
Amobile: Now that you mention it.
Astable: In the future we will not need furniture.
Amobile: Is that because we will be dead?
Astable: Dead, quite dead.
Amobile: We could make furniture of ourselves.
Astable: I used to be a reading lamp.
Amobile: I could be a bed
You could lie on top of me.
Astable: If only you were and I could; But my hands are tied and my feet and the rest; the moving bits
Amobile: Not even you are that strong
Those silvery cuffs are unbreakable.
Astable struggles to be free and then gives up.
Astable: These cuffs are as much me as my wrists are.
Astable hangs head.
Amobile: Cheer up. look at me, I envy you
I wish I could stop moving – vacillating.
Astable: Hold on to me I’m rooted. You can hold on to me, can’t you?
Amobile: You are aren’t you; roo-ted!
Astable: And you: far-ked!
Amobile: Shall we cook some fish?
Astable: Some goose.
Amobile: Some bacon.
Astable: Some beans.
Amobile: Some turds.
Astable: Fake poo.
Amobile: Sham poo.
Amobile takes some and begins to lather up.
Astable: I must wash these locks of mine.
Amobile washes his locks.
Amobile: You have your silvery locks, and I have mine.
Astable: If you had your book you could make all kinds of sham-poo.
Amobile: You don’t think my locks
Are lovely and sweet
The way they are
Astable: Give me my spectacles and I’ll tell you.
Amobile: You’re making a spectacle of yourself
I mean rooted there like that
And your hair stinks.
Astable: My hair stinks!
Amobile: Right now in high heaven they are
Bemoaning the hair stench.
Astable: You wouldn’t know as if they let your type into high heaven; at the gate a big sign: NO VACILLATORS.
Amobile: Peter’s a family friend.
Astable: Nepotism.
Amobile: You are the father, you are the son.
Astable follows Amobiles direction around the stage.
Astable: You are the mother, you are the daughter.
Astable exhausted slumps to the floor.
Amobile: You can barely see without these, can you?
Astable: Who said that?
Amobile: We have to eat and we both know
That we hate the slop you serve up
Astable: At least my slop has some semblance of tradition about it.
Amobile: Your steak and liver pie.
Astable: It’s certainly better than your blue meats.
Amobile: What if you hold the book and I read from it!
Astable: Yes, yes why didn’t I think of that?
Amobile: That way you can keep the book
And I can have my spectacles.
Astable: Yes, yes why didn’t I think of that?
Amobile: Hold it there on page one
We’ll start at the start.
Amobile begins to read to self.
Astable: What does it say?
Amobile folds the spectacles up and puts them away.
Amobile: Scary stuff, not for the faint hearts but WOW
What a way to start. Who would have thought it
All started with first thing being first.
Astable: Where did it start, was it here?
Amobile: It started in the beginning
And then so on and so on.
Astable: Well I could have told you it started at the the start, but where physically? Did it say at all?
Amobile: I’ll try to recall...something created
Something, and the location was...
Astable: Where? Was it here? I mean, I must be here for some reason. Did I steal a lighter?
Amobile: Did you?
Astable: I only stole it for our sake, we needed a light.
Amobile: To cook with right?
I’ll see if I can find that.
Astable: The others took it and used it.
Amobile: They probably made a discard of it.
Astable points to the ground.
Amobile finds the lighter.
Astable: How weird.
Amobile attempts to create a flame.
Astable excited.
Amobile: No more blue meats for us.
Astable: Do we have a stove? No.
Amobile: Do we even have a fire?
Astable: Doubtful.
Amobile: I’ll make a fire but where to start
First I’ll need some wood.
Astable: We have no meat to cook and besides the stove is completely operational.
Amobile: Would that it was.
Astable: You broke my cooking apparatus, didn’t you?
Amobile: Wood, wood, where can I find some wood?
Astable: Why don’t you just burn my stove top?
Amobile: Would that I could.
Amobile puts the lighter flame to the cabinet.
Astable: We can always make another one of those out of the bench.
Amobile sits on the bench behind Astable and to the right as we see it.
Amobile: How comfy it is to sit on this bench.
Astable: Is it? I thought it would be. We made that bench.
Amobile: We did? Did we? It’s such a fine bench
So ordinary and the wood, so wooden.
Astable: And comfy, right?
Amobile: So comfy, If I was a piece of wood
In this bench is where I’d like to be.
Astable: You need the best wood to make a bench of that quality; only the best, no saps in that bench.
Amobile: And so comfy.
Astable: And no saps, well a miniscule sap content.
Amobile: How would you be to be in this bench?
Astable: Well strictly speaking the cabinet is a finer piece. I mean that piece is top shelf old wood, and not red, no red wood in that cabinet. The bench may have the tendency to go a little red. The base of a bed, under the bed, can redden.
Amobile: This bench will do me.
Astable resting feet on the cabinet
Astable: With a cabinet of this quailty who needs pouffes?
Astable begins to doze off.
Amobile: You’re not falling asleep are you?
How could you misuse that cabinet?
Astable: Look at you, spreadeagled as you are.
Amobile: Well take no notice of me
I’m merely using the bench
As the maker intended.
Astable: And I am storing my feet on the cabinet.
Amobile: That is not a pouffe, you know?
Astable: And that bench is not a bed.
Amobile: I wanted to be bed.
Astable: I was reading lamp.
Amobile: This bench is so fine and comfy too.
Astable: And this cabinet makes my journey so much better.
Amobile: What is that creaking noise?
Amobile falls off the bench as the legs collapse.
Astable: It had to happen eventually, you couldn’t misuse the bench forever.
Amobile now injured examines the wreckage with spectacles on.
Amobile: No don’t rush to my aid, I’m fine thank you.
Astable: Glad to hear it.
Amobile: What a fallible construct.
Astable: Yes, unfortunately the maker is not perfect and the wood far from it.
Amobile: We made it, didn’t we?
Astable: When I had the use of my hands, when I was digital.
Amobile: And I could read.
Astable: We could have that fire. I am rather chilled.
Amobile: Yes I can see frostbite signs
In those feet of yours.
Astable: What if we need a bench?
Amobile: What if we need a bench?
Astable takes feet down
Astable: You can sit on this.
Astable points to the cabinet.
Amobile: Really, I can – sit on this.
Astable: Sit on this.
Amobile: Happy day! It’s been an ambition of mine.
Astable: Now, if you hear a creaking noise – get off. That’s all I’ll say.
Amobile: Straight off!
On the cabinet: me!
Astable: Now, read some more of the book; read the end and I’ll fill in the rest.
Amobile: OK sure, no probs.
Astable: You’ll have to hop off for a sec.
Amobile: I can’t sit here and read the book too?
Astable: It’s only for a bit; just the end.
Amobile: OK.
Amobile hops off and reads the book from Astables groin.
Astable: What is it? What’s wrong?
Amobile reels back in horror.
Amobile: Who would have thought that it would end?
End like that? This changes everything.
Astable: What does? What did it say? Was it bad? Was it about me? Was it? It was, wasn’t it?
Amobile: It was about all of us
You and me included.
Astable: Is it the pole? It’s the pole isn’t it? I can’t lose the pole, It’s me; Oh I’ve tried other fixings but the pole it’s just...me.
Amobile: It’s not the pole!
If anything it’s the cabinet.
It’s not even that.
Astable: Let’s lose the cabinet then, or the book, we could certainly lose that. As long as I can retain my pole, I’m fine.
Amobile: No without that book you’ll lose the pole.
Astable: Is that what it says? The book, the pole, the cabinet.
Amobile: Not in so many words.
Astable: Are you sure you read it?
Amobile: Yes they were words, I believe
Funny looking things – all black
And comprised of the same basic elements,
Words
Astable begins bashing the book
Astable: Bloody farking book!
Astable jumping up and down on the book
Amobile: Don’t bash the book.
Astable: Farking bloody book!
Amobile: Don’t bash the book!
Astable: Book!
Amobile: Don’t blame the book
It can’t help the words
It has printed on it
Astable: Farking!
Amobile: Stop it!
Astable: Book!
Amobile: I’ll burn your pole.
Astable: No.
Amobile: Good, now we can work this out.
Amobile puts the spectacles in the cabinet.
Astable: I’ll put the book in there too.
Amobile places the book in and closes the cabinet.
Amobile: Now.
Astable: Now?
Amobile: Now I’ll reach in and whatever I pull out
Is mine and whatever is left is yours.
Astable: OK.
Amobile: Right, here I go.
Astable: But you’ll pull out the book for certain and I’ll lose my pole.
Amobile: Then I’ll toss a coin
Astable: Do we have one?
Amobile: Rock, paper, scissors.
Astable: My hands are tied.
Amobile: Where are my spectacles.
Amobile retrieves the spectacles and skips off.
Astable sits on the cabinet happily.
Lights out.
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