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Equal and Opposite - May 2009

Homer and Petrarch: opposite (2006)

Tradition(a man in a dressing gown with his penis poking through the hem) holds a long wrinkly thing in the shape of a dead caterpillar, and says that Homer was an appalling drunk who got paralytic whenever his finances permitted, and he was no pauper. Many ladies claimed to be his, but his heart belonged to a pole dancer with one leg and some incredible abilities; such as hopping and doing the can-can despite medical advice. Homer, in a moment of rare insight predicted that scholars would have funny little pipes connected to large barrels, and funnier little tongues connected to funnier littler spines.




Petrarch, or “Slydog Bigboots”, was born a wog and stayed that way even after it was strongly suggested to him that he possessed a disarmingly original odour he liked to call “That Inscrutable Doppelganger” or “Old Homer the Greek”. A shameless groupie and roadie to the popular musical group known as “Pope Clement V”, Slydog had a male parent with vicarious leanings who strongly suggested to the boy, then known as “Brine Breath”, he wax his pubic bone to save the family name, then known as Pootract which after seeing Lauren Bacall smoke lead him to the cleaners with a pile of washing that he discreetly put on high.
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Choose Your Own Misadventure: Cape Flats

Page 0.0

You’re reading some shit.

Your mum asks you for a smoke.

You remember having a smoke.

You tell your mum you have one left.

She offers you some pot.

You could smoke yourself. You could leave the flat.


If you decide to smoke, turn to page .1
If you decide to leave, turn to page .2




Page .1

You put down what you’re doing.

Your lungs fill with the shit.

Your uncle and cousin enter the flat.

Your uncle and mother smoke.

Your cousin looks to leave.

You could go with your cousin. You could stay where you are.


If you decide to stay put, turn to page .11
If you decide to go with your cousin, turn to page .12



Page .2

You leave your flat.

You meet your uncle in the corridor.

You see that he’s a plastic bag of cans in his hand.

He offers you something to drink.

You feel thirsty.

You could have a drink. You could go outside.


If you have a drink, turn to page .21
If you keep going, turn to page .22


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