NormBeggar's Belief (2005)
I was lost. Still am. It’s the mirror I carry. It’s not my fault I’m lost. The mirror keeps calling me to it. I heed the call. When I go to it I see an image that isn’t me. I tell myself “keep looking” but my true self never shows. This is why I am lost. If I could only deny the mirror. It’s not insistent in its call. Out of sheer habit I have formed the life of the lost. I was never on track. I started lost and that’s how I found myself. I developed other annoying habits. I had pretensions of greatness. Others could see through me. The mirror never said a word. I never said a word. I waited for others to say the word. The words on my greatness. This must have been annoying. Grating. For the others it must have been. Now I wait. I have my pretence in place. I wait for the reality to arrive to take the place of my act. Still I strive for the image. Tantalizingly out of reach I tread water. I apply myself all the same. I informally apply for a vacancy. An unadvertised vacancy. I don’t even know if it is vacant such is my ignorance. Laziness. If it is I’m the man for the job. I’ve said this before. Other vacancies already filled. This is part of my pretence.
