NormBeggar's Belief (2005)
That was one of the worst nights on record, rainfall was high and the humidity was through the roof. The mildew was pungent and powerful; there wasn’t a lot I could do. One way or another the rain fell and buckets didn’t help the carpet rot. The gaps between the walls gushed water and the paint ran. I used my left crutch to stop the gushing and for a while I thought I was on to the solution but the problem was greater than my mental machinery. Then I thought Poe is Kubin; but who is Kubin ? Poe I say. None of these sorts of distractions lead anywhere like crutches in the wall. How would I know anyway? It’s only a guess that Poe is Kubin and I don’t have the formula to prove the equation. The rain on the roof went rat-at-tat and the gutters swelled with leaves, possum poo and water.
Then it happened, if only I could remember what it was. Was it that I found out my real identity? I mean I already knew my name and still do but who was I in the greater scheme of things; who out there was me; who was I out there? That’s not to say who did I aspire to be because who I aspire to be and who I am are two different things. As soon as I started to do something it should become clear but then I could move on to something else in a bid to rid myself of these comparisons and the realisation that I was less than I hoped; for there was a time when not I cared. And if that is so, which it is, then I must be less than I wished.
I had no choice but to do what I did and in spite of my sheer frustration at my inability to run or hop but when I looked out the window and saw the people tied to one another I realised what had happened. Everyone had been assigned a life-partner who would stay at your side till death do you part. Was it possible I was the only one without such encumbrance or had I not noticed that there was someone on the other side of me? Well, actually I knew that I was no different and I did have someone but it’s a bit hard when you don’t know your own identity.
Then it happened, if only I could remember what it was. Was it that I found out my real identity? I mean I already knew my name and still do but who was I in the greater scheme of things; who out there was me; who was I out there? That’s not to say who did I aspire to be because who I aspire to be and who I am are two different things. As soon as I started to do something it should become clear but then I could move on to something else in a bid to rid myself of these comparisons and the realisation that I was less than I hoped; for there was a time when not I cared. And if that is so, which it is, then I must be less than I wished.
I had no choice but to do what I did and in spite of my sheer frustration at my inability to run or hop but when I looked out the window and saw the people tied to one another I realised what had happened. Everyone had been assigned a life-partner who would stay at your side till death do you part. Was it possible I was the only one without such encumbrance or had I not noticed that there was someone on the other side of me? Well, actually I knew that I was no different and I did have someone but it’s a bit hard when you don’t know your own identity.
