Norm
MalBritney Spears buys LA hospital.
Michael Jackson as he appears in the MTV Video of Britney's new album 'Train Wreck'.
Britney Spears has sold her mansion to George Clooney’s mother, and bought the UCLA Medical Centre in LA where she plans to live and shoot her new album Train Wreck. “People might finally stop saying I should be in hospital,” she said. While the staff and patients were being dismissed, Britney started renovating, and had the ground floor walls removed, then had to rebuild due to the building collapsing. Once the medication room was re-stocked, she installed a life-sized circular railway track, and brought in a steam train. Dressing up in an XL assistant train-driver’s uniform she went round and round on the track while Michael Jackson steered carriages full of children and Britney’s relations. During the train ride, Britney and Jacko co-wrote the first single from Train Wreck, a revamped version of Alvin Stardust’s Kookachoo, ‘Be My Kooky Choo Choo’ as Martin Scorsese began pre-production on the MTV video. “It will be a paranormal tragedy and four-way triangle romance with a classic western feel to it,” Scorsese said. “I’ll be using unused footage of Heath Leger from Brokeback Mountain chasing the train on a horse when he finds out Jacko has left him for a woman, with Elizabeth Taylor hot on his heels on National Velvet because Jacko has dumped her for Britney. Jacko will dance on a carriage roof and sing ‘Beat It’ at both of them, then the train will crash and all four will die in each other’s arms, as Jacko’s voice fades while he sings Billie Jean to Elizabeth Taylor but substitutes the words “Britney Spears is not my girl,” then sings Ben to Heath Ledger but uses the words, “Heath, the two of us.” Asked about the paranormal content, Scorsese said, “That’s the best part of the video. Just when you think they’ve all died and the video is fading to black, the mutilated children and Britney’s mutilated relations turn into demons with chainsaws for feet, big fangs and mouths shaped like garbage dumpsters. They move in on the four of them to devour them, but Britney’s mangled body comes to life as a hot young babe with Samurai swords for hair, chainsaws for arms, and shotguns for legs, kicks their asses, and they turn into fast food and coke, and all land on a lovely dining table in Arizona. After a big feast and lots of snorts, Britney turns into a giant pair of panties with wings and eyes, loaded with nuclear weapons made of chocolate with soft centres, Jacko turns into an albino monkey who lives on a lollipop tree, Liz turns into a green frog who lives in a palace made out of strawberry cheesecake and diamond coloured M&Ms, and Heath turns into pillow with teeth. They all go on a magical ride in the sky in Brintey’s panties and bomb Afghanistan. Everyone dies of a chocolate overdose. Then Britney turns into a polar bear with jet engines and helicopter blades and brings them back to earth just by the train wreck, narrowly avoiding colliding with a space shuttle, which crashes anyway because of the fright. Britney fixes the train and all four of them ride into the sunset as Britney sings, “I’ve got my life back on track.”
Consumption Malfunction
Equal and Opposite
Arses and Elbows
Footy Power