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Homer and Petrarch: opposite (2006)

Tradition(a man in a dressing gown with his penis poking through the hem) holds a long wrinkly thing in the shape of a dead caterpillar, and says that Homer was an appalling drunk who got paralytic whenever his finances permitted, and he was no pauper. Many ladies claimed to be his, but his heart belonged to a pole dancer with one leg and some incredible abilities; such as hopping and doing the can-can despite medical advice. Homer, in a moment of rare insight predicted that scholars would have funny little pipes connected to large barrels, and funnier little tongues connected to funnier littler spines.




Petrarch, or “Slydog Bigboots”, was born a wog and stayed that way even after it was strongly suggested to him that he possessed a disarmingly original odour he liked to call “That Inscrutable Doppelganger” or “Old Homer the Greek”. A shameless groupie and roadie to the popular musical group known as “Pope Clement V”, Slydog had a male parent with vicarious leanings who strongly suggested to the boy, then known as “Brine Breath”, he wax his pubic bone to save the family name, then known as Pootract which after seeing Lauren Bacall smoke lead him to the cleaners with a pile of washing that he discreetly put on high.
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