NormHands down if you're handy like me
I am lucky enough to be in the position of being so well equipped to deal with the real world that it just is not funny. It just is not funny how capable I am. I am really very, very capable of doing just about anything. So much so that when I peruse the classifieds in search of a little light relief, I'm just overwhelmed by the voices screaming at me from the inside of my head. They are all screaming - where have you been our entire working life, you capable bastard? It's a rhetorical question, I mutter back to them from deep in the bowels of my brain cavity. Being practically as practical as anyone who has ever screwed a nail into their thumb, I can safely say that I am as safe on a work site as a drag queen in stilts on her rags. One of these days, I'll find an employer capable of handling as skilled and practical a unit as me. They'll have to go a long way in a dark room with a wickless candle to find anybody fit enough to fit their vacancy; whatever that vacancy happens to be. It really doesn't matter, I can do it all. I can drive a semi, upside down standing on my head, on fire over a cliff like the best of them. Employers reading my resume are usually so stunned by my profiency that they drop by my house offering up their wives and girlfriends as a down payment for just a single day of my work. As it stands right now, I'm virtually unemployable because of the offers that I have in hand. I'm as handy as an Iranian thief opening a letter bomb. Useless and handy: opposite.
Rugby World Cup 2007
Oh fffffffffff....ar out...this is brilliant...but of course.
Hands down giNORMous...as always....all fingers on the pulse....
Consumption Malfunction
Equal and Opposite
Arses and Elbows
Footy Power
I'm as useful as tears on Orble.
Hands down if I'm itchy.
But only then.
Ruck and roll, mate.
Norm
The Florida Keys and Everglades
The Black Sheep Chronicles
What constitutes bad manners?
The male mystique
Debate Fan
L.A.M.P.
I myself am as useful as a fart in a windstorm. Small world, eh?
Consumption Malfunction
Equal and Opposite
Arses and Elbows
Footy Power
A fart in a windstorm on the other hand.
And on this hand...
I'm pro-coincidence by the way.
Norm
Really I'm as useful as tatts on a poo.
The Florida Keys and Everglades
The Black Sheep Chronicles
What constitutes bad manners?
The male mystique
Debate Fan
L.A.M.P.
I was going to say tits on a nun, but I just realised--they support her habit.
This might be a harsh call, considering the quality of so many of your posts, but this could quite possibly be my favourite post of yours.
I agree with Dusk:
If I'd written it? I'd be sending it off as my cover letter (and CV) for every job application.
David ...
Consumption Malfunction
Equal and Opposite
Arses and Elbows
Footy Power
I was going to say pastry chef paddle stick cranky pants but it doesn't mean much at all.
Norm(patisseries)
Consumption Malfunction
Equal and Opposite
Arses and Elbows
Footy Power
no shit? I'll take your advice on board, manually of course, and use it in as befitting a fashion as I'm capable. And, I'm capable. Not in a rugby way - cap-able, but capable all the same... only different.
Cheers,
Norm
Killer Beats
Ramble On
Hipnotherapy
Really great post. Currently I am looking for someone to work for me.... To bad you don't shrink heads or have expertise in sexual counseling (professionally not as a layman) I have read so many self important cover letters. Wish that someone would send one like this to me. He or she would so get an interview! ;0)
Mis
Consumption Malfunction
Equal and Opposite
Arses and Elbows
Footy Power
a layman? I thought psychs weren't allowed.
It's so tempting to write self-importantly, take it from me.
I know.
Everything.
Norm