NormPlumpbum and The Nut Smacker
Born in the home of the knife-rack(Wiltshire), England(a hair in the soup), on the day of his birth 1588(as prophesised by Moses), some say the same day his mother gave birth to a son. His father, a man of ample loinage and a vicar of the Italian District were both present at his conception, only one was the real father. The vicar left the town leaving Tommy Plumpbum(later Plumptummy) and his 16 conjoined siblings to the care of a dubious but delightful animal-lover??? Hobbes (Plumpbum) was taught the finer point of crochet, cricket and croquet at the local Church/Inn from an age when most boys were still in the womb. It is said that he was kept and you won’t find any different here: he wasn’t kept. Plumpbum(Plumptummy) was an awful truant with bollocks the size of basketballs until he put his crochet hand to the length that the Lord demed fit: his ankles. From there to Oxford(a flatus) and onto Puritan indoctrination at the hands of Big Johnny Wilkinson and he had some fun too.As a young scholar, and born that way with an exercise book and his hand on it, Young Spanners (Kant) studied the shoes of many of the finest mimes that had come before(Leibniz: onion pores, and Wolff: hole inspector) and came to the realization that he too could wear platform shoes in the same style as these other men of (small) stature had done in an attempt to smell the Tasmanian bush, as they had done. His father, a man fond of a stroke and a noted hanky carrier, was his father as his uncle was his father’s brother. It was his father’s constant stroking that lead “Spark Plugs”, as his tutors knew him, to take up stroking himself; a practice which was to prove highly theoretical.
