NormPhidias and Cimabue part two
It is important when committing sedition to stay off the landline, a point never lost on the treacherous milk-bar proprietor Phidias, Fiddles or Cranky Phats. A notorious vandal of phone boxes, letter boxes, cardboard, power boxes and train stations, The Malevolent Fark was one evil Fornicator with quadraceps like anvils and a groin like the hands of a sculptor with a head that projected itself, from a solid base of neck and shoulders, upwards at the heavens above and a bottom that did the same to hell. Judging by the remains found in the Grave marked: Here lies Ole Saucy Poultry, lover of dismembering and loving family man of murdered parents. Rest in pieces you butcher, Chimmy Sweet Pants appears to have been a highly visible pedestrian in his own day, with a pair of walking sandals that were suitably fitted to a man with two feet of equal size, and ten toes that were the envy of all. It was a similar case for his hands that he usually adorned in hand-shoes that can be compared to the mittens of today, or the gloves of yesterday.
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I almost ran him over once at a T intersection. He was wearing oven mits at the time and if it wasn't for his banana yellow hot pants he may well be dead now.
Consumption Malfunction
Equal and Opposite
Arses and Elbows
Footy Power
And he drifted off into the sweetest coma; with a tube here and a pipe there, he was as happy as a bonger on a second Thursday.
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We both sat in the gutter and cried when told him Ray Benson had got the arse from 3DB.