NormIndian Cricketing World Beg SideBoTToM to umpire.
After a test match full of bad umpiring decisions, including a complete blunder by Steve Buchnor when he not only ate his lunch without a bib in the Whities Only section of the SCG dining room but ordered a home delivery Red Rooster chicken not only without consulting the major sponsors KFC, but failing to ask if women delivery drivers were allowed in the Whitie Men only section, then dribbled steroid-injected preservative juice and the yoke of a stillborn egg on his white shirt, India have threatened to quit world cricket unless SideBoTToM is the only umpire allowed to officiate in all test matches, and be the first, second, third and fourth umpire. Even if this means he has to umpire online, via mobile phone or LANline. All while playing for England, any county cricket side, or playing marbles with the pebbles on Brighton Beach against Maggie Thatcher's beach chair. Or uses snail mail to make his decisions. Or dictates his decisions to a computer literate secretary regardless of his/her gender. "We need correct decisions," Rahul Dravid's English & Chemistry teacher said from Oxford while he dined with the Queen, who said, "It's just not cricket." Even if each decision takes three weeks, and we have to replay the last four days of each test in Pakistan after the first wicket is left in dispute. The whole system needs a complete overhaul and SideBoTToM is the only man who can do it." SideBoTToM declined to respond, citing an arse operation to rectify his propensity to fall towards the legside when facing Doosras. Bad Decistions and Good Decisions? SideBoTToM!
Consumption Malfunction
Equal and Opposite
Arses and Elbows
Footy Power
I mean, howzat?
He was talking to Buchnor.
Mal