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MalGavaskar /Border Trophy Scrapped. Australia & India to play for Ashes.
In order to diffuse tension between the two cricketing nations, The ICC have approved the execution and cremation of Steve Buchnor, and granted permission for his ashes to be placed in a little monkey-shaped urn, which will become the prized trophy for all future Australia / India Test series – The Steve Buchnor Ashes. The 20/20 clash due to take place at the MCG in early February, has been rescheduled for Saturday night, and transferred to the SCG to coincide with Buchnor’s death by fire which will be the pre-match entertainment. Buchnor will be tied to a 2m tall, 3 Mobile cricket stump in the middle of the SCG complete with stump cam, microphone and live downloads on 3 Mobiles with commentary by Boof Lehmann, while Ricky Ponting and Anil Kumble adjourn to the SCG trophy room. Here they will set the Border Gavasker trophy alight, carry the burning item down the players’ race together in this Olympic year, onto the sacred turf between both teams, hand it over to Richie Benaud, dressed in Cathy Freeman’s 2000 Olympics 400m winner’s costume and a pink bow tie. Benaud will then place it reverently at Buchnor’s feet. As Buchnor burns to death, Lara Bingle will be backup vocalist to Steve Waugh, David Boon and Jimmy Barnes singing Advance Australia Fair to the tune of Khe Sanh. Marcia Hines and Sachin Tendulkar’s wife will then perform a duet of the Indian National Anthem to the soundtrack of the hit TV series Monkey. When Buchnor is fully aflame, the Border Gavaskar trophy will be shunted to the middle of the pitch by Ian Chappell driving the curator’s tractor, to burn by itself, and its ashes will be put into a commissioned bronze KFC Filler sculpture, and presented to the best singers of the national anthem as judged by Australian Idol Guy Sebastian and Tony Greig. Cricket and Entertainment? Opposites.
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