NormThe Cricket Club (2005)
INT.PETER AT HOME ON THE COUCH WITH A PEN AND AN ACCOUNTING BOOK
PETER
So, I have made quite a few in the last decade or so. Yeah that’s right – I’m the bees knees – without me the bees would be kneeless – kneelessss. They’d be dragging their little wings about the hive saying Where are our knees? And I’d say It is I. I am your knees; rally round your knees my little subjects.HE CLEANS HIS EAR WITH THE PEN THEN SUCKS THE PEN LOST IN THOUGHT.HE PLAYS A FEW DRIVES WITH THE PEN.
INT.JOHN AND RAZOR SITTING IN ARMCHAIRS AT THE HOUSE OF JOHN
JOHN
I tell you Razor it’s not enough just to get the numbers up. He has to learn how to be a leader. He has to learn how to lead. Leadership. Leadership.RAZOR LEANS FORWARD AND POINTS AT A SAUSAGE - THE LAST ONE.
RAZOR
You want that?
You want that?
JOHN SHAKES HIS HEAD AND GIVES RAZOR A HARD STARE AS IF TO RETURN TO THE POINT.
JOHN
I gave him, Peter, the captaincy (SINKING WITH CONTENT INTO THE ARMCHAIR)and he can barely manage that – I tell you he might be the end of this club –(FINISHING OFF HIS BOURBON AND POURING ANOTHER) he might be the end.(LEANING BACK INTO HIS CHAIR WITH THE GLASS OF LIQUOR) The end. –(SIPPING) That’s all there is to it. To it (STIRRING THE DRINK)that’s all there is.RAZOR
We’re only playing Villawood – I mean they hardly pose a threat.(DOWNING THE SAUSAGE) They’re small potatoes – no threat. EXT. PATIO. MARK AND JULIA ARE DRINKING BEERS IN THEIR BANANA LOUNGES.
JULIA
Do we have any baby potatoes Mark?
MARK
I thought I bought some, love – I’ll go check in a tick.
Do we have any baby potatoes Mark?
MARK
I thought I bought some, love – I’ll go check in a tick.
JULIA GOES TO THE FRIDGE. MARK IN SHOT.
MARK(TO HIMSELF)
Not bloody spuds again – they make me so mad.
Not bloody spuds again – they make me so mad.
MARK CLOSE UP. MARKS EYES WOBBLING WITH MANIA
INT.JULIA FILLING A SAUCEPAN AND PLACING THE NEW POTATOES IN WHEN THE PHONE RINGS.
INT. KIM ON THE PHONE – EATING SOME POTATO CHIPS
KIM
Jules – it’s Kim – is Mark in a good mood because I’ve got some bad news for him/ yeah/ Aw he’s out is he?/Aw/ if you just tell him for me – love/ That I have to practice for the game tomorrow – so I won’t be able to make it for tea tonight./Ok love seeya bye/(LOVINGLY) yeah me too/ yeah/ byeINT.PETER AND AMANDA – THE PERFECT COUPLE – SITTING IN FRONT OF THE TELE EATING THEIR DINNER. AMANDA SPOONS ANOTHER FORKFUL OF MASHED POTATO.
PETER
Bloody rain forecast for tomorrow – typical – that’s another fork in the eye.
AMANDA TAKES ANOTHER FORKFUL OF POTATO.
AMANDA
When have you ever known the forecast to be right?
CLOSE UP PETER WINCES. NODS HIS HEAD. HE AGREES.
INT.KIM TOSSES A COIN GRABS IT TURNS IT UP ON HIS HAND. LOOKS UP. PAUSES.
KIM
Heads.
Heads.
KIM LOOKS AT THE COIN. LOOKS AWAY IN DISGUST. HE SHAKES HIS HEAD. HE TOSSES THE COIN AGAIN, CATCHES IT AND TURNS IT UP AGAIN. PURSES HIS LIPS. SMILES.
KIM
Tails.
Tails.
KIM LOOKS AT THE COIN, STARES AT IT IN SHOCK. HE GLARES AT THE COIN. HE LOOK AROUND IN ANGER. HE TAKES A DEEP BREATH AND TOSSES THE COIN AGAIN, CATCHES IT. HE KEEPS HIS HAND OVER THE COIN STARING AT THE BACK OF HIS HAND. HE LOOKS UP AT THE CEILING. HE EXHALES. HE CLOSES ONE EYE. HE GRIMACES.
KIM
Tails?
Tails?
SLOWLY HE PEELS AWAY HIS HAND TO REVEAL THE COIN.
KIM
What the fuck, you fuckin coin. I tossed the coin, I called. I did my bit. Why can’t you do yours? Fickle fuckin coin. Tell me that (HE GRABS THE COIN AND SQUEEZES THE LIFE OUT OF IT)you fuckin coin. You hate me (HE SQUEEZES HARDER)don’t you?
EXHAUSTED, HE STOPS THE SQUEEZING AND FURIOUSLY FUMBLIMG WITH A DOOR TO THE BACK YARD NEARLY BREAKS IT. HE THROWS THE COIN AND RUNS INSIDE. HE PUFFS, HE HUFFS.
INT. PETER AND AMANDA. PETER LYING. AMANDA LYING. THE TELEVISION IS ON. A NOISE ON THE ROOF. PETER TURNS TO AMANDA WITH A QUIZICAL LOOK. AMANDA KEEPS ON STARING AT THE TELEVISION. PETER GETS UP TO GO AND HAVE A LOOK OUTSIDE.
EXT. THE PATIO. MARK RISES MANIACALLY FROM HIS BANANA LOUNGE AS HE DOES HIS LEG GETS CAUGHT AND HE GOES HEAD OVER HEELS
MARK
(QUIETLY)Ow – that’s a nasty one – cripes.
(QUIETLY)Ow – that’s a nasty one – cripes.
MARK GETS TO HIS FEET BUT FINDS HE CAN’T PUT ANY WEIGHT ON HIS LEFT LEG.
MARK
Not me left leg – not as important as me right side– but nevertheless – a leg is a leg – and me left one – (YELLING)Julia! Julia! Come ere a tick –(SOFTER TONE)please.CAMERA ON JULIA AS SHE GOES OUTSIDE WIPING HER HANDS ON A TEA TOWEL
JULIA(NOW AT THE OUTSIDE DOOR)
What have you done Mark? (SHE RUSHES TO HIM AND HELPS HIM INSIDE) You poor thing – you’re always tripping over yourself love – you poor thing Mark – (JOKING) I’d almost say you have two left feet.A SHOT OF THE BANANA LOUNGE – SINISTER MUSIC – THE LOUNGE MOVES A LITTLE.
INT.PETERS COUCH PETER WALKS INTO SHOT AND LIES ON THE COUCH WITH HIS ACCOUNTING BOOK RESTING ON HIS CHEST AND PICKS HIS NOSE WHILE A PEN HANGS OUT HIS EAR. THE NOISE OF A TOILET FLUSHING DROWNS OUT THE TELEVISION AS WE HEAR AMANDA WASHING HER HANDS AND SHE COMES INTO SHOT CRACKING A WALNUT AND IN A NIGHTIE TO SPRAWL ON THE FLOOR.
PETER
Mandie – if we get one more Brownie come knocking at that door this month I’ll strangle her.(LEANING OVER AND VERY SERIOUS)I’m gonna strangle a brownie.AMANDA(DISMISSIVE)
Yep.
Yep.
AMANDA FIGHTING THE NUTCRACKER TO BREAK A WALNUT. EXHAUSTED SHE TRIES AGAIN AND IS SUCCESSFUL THIS TIME. SHE GOBBLES THE NUTS WITH GLEE.PETER TOTALLY DISINTERESTED.
THE SOUND OF A DOG BARKING AT THE BACK DOOR.
AMANDA
Is that the dog barking at the back door.
Is that the dog barking at the back door.
EXT.BACK DOOR.A BROWN DOG BARKING AT THE BACK DOOR.
INT. AMANDA ON THE FLOOR
AMANDA(TO THE CEILING)
I just got here – I’m not letting him out.
I just got here – I’m not letting him out.
PETER DISGUSTED AND EXHAUSTED PEELS HIMSELF OUT OF HIS COUCH ANGRILY SMACKING THE BOOK AND THE PEN ON A COFFEE TABLE.
PETER(TRAPSING TO THE BACK DOOR)
I could choke that dog, (MUTTERING)brown dog.
I could choke that dog, (MUTTERING)brown dog.
EXT.RAZOR TAKING OUT JOHNS GARBAGE
RAZOR
(PUTTING ON A VOICE)Time to take out the trash
(SINGING)I’m taking out the trash - taking out the
trash.
(PUTTING ON A VOICE)Time to take out the trash
(SINGING)I’m taking out the trash - taking out the
trash.
IN HIS PLAYFUL ALMOST SCHOOLGIRL FOLLY HE SPILLS SOME TRASH
AS IF IT’S HAPPENED MANY TIMES HE ROUTINELY PICKS UP THE REFUSE AND PLACES IT BACK IN
RAZOR
Wow – who says John’s trash don’t stink?
Wow – who says John’s trash don’t stink?
RAZOR REPLACING THE RUBBISH AS A BROWNIE RUNS PAST THE SHOT AS IF FRIGHTENED OF RAZOR. RAZOR CATCHES SIGHT OF THEM AND SEEMS ANGERED BY THEM.
INT.JOHN ON THE TELEPHONE
JOHN
Now you listen to me Julia – I dont care If Mark is favouring his left side - if he’s got a leg to stand on he’s right to play – in his position – need i remind you Julia that Mark is the captain of the thirds.(SILENCE) I know I sold him those banana lounges Julia. Paul gave me those Banana longes and he said they were fine – we both know that Paul is reliable – If Mark lost a little weight – he’d be in the two’s he’d be getting runs and he wouldn’t have hurt himself. I don’t care if it his achilles – I expect him to play. Goodnight (FIRMLY)Goodnight Julia.JOHN HANGS UP THE PHONE
INT. RAZOR RE-ENTERING THE HOUSE WITH A CRICKET BAG WHICH HE PLACES DOWN AND VERY METHODICALLY OPENS PRODUCING ALL KINDS OF LOTIONS VARIOUS CANDLES AND TOWELS. HE LAYS THE TOWELS ON THE FLOOR AND SURROUNDS WITH CANDLES WHICH HE LIGHTS AND THEN TURNS THE ROOM LIGHT OFF. ENTER SHOT JOHN WITH A TOWEL AROUND HIM. HE LAYS FACE DOWN READY FOR HIS SPORTS MASSAGE.
INT CLOSE UP MARKS FACE IN PAIN
MARK
Aw me achilles – cripes – aw it hurts – Julia – bloody Paul and his banana... lounges – no(PAUSE) I must take some responsibility (LONG PAUSE)– nar bugger that – bloody paul...aw my achilles. (HE WRITHES AROUND)I can’t take it.CAMERA PULLS BACK TO REVEAL MARK LYING ON A BANANA LOUNGE AND JULIA WETTING A TOWEL TO PLACE ON HIS FOREHEAD.
INT. SHOT OF A CAKE WITH A KNIFE CUTTING THROUGH IT. CAMERA PULLS BACK TO REVEAL KIM CUTTING A SLIVER OFF A LARGE CAKE. HE TAKES THE LARGE PART, PLACING IT DELICATELY ON A PLATE AND SITTING DOWN IN FRONT OF THE CAKE TO EAT HIS SLICE WITH A SPOON. SAVOURS EVERY BITE. STARTS NODDING AND BOBBING AROUND AS HE CHEWS. A BIT FALLS ONTO THE FLOOR HE LOOKS AT IT – HASTILY HE WIPES IT UP. THE PHONE RINGS HE GOES TO ANSWER IT BOBBING HIS HEAD AND DANCING. HE PICKS UP.
KIM
(FIGHTING BACK THE CAKE)Kim speaking/ (PLAYFULLY) Johnny/ (LONG PAUSE AS HE LISTENS)He’s always bloody injured. (PAUSE)I expect him to play too.KIM RETURNS TO HIS CAKE, A LITTLE DISTRESSED BEFORE BUT NOW COMFORTABLE AND RELAXED.
INT. SHOT OF JOHN ON THE PHONE, WITH A TOWEL AROUND THE WAIST AND TOPLESS, FEELS HIS FACE AND HAIR AS IF TO REASSURE HIMSELF OF HIS COMELINESS.
JOHN
We have to have a good turnout. I mean we don’t want everyone to turn up. Some of the people we have turn up I really wish would not.(SILENCE) Yeah Petro for one. I’m fed up with him – I don’t need to tell you.THE NOISE OF WOOD SPLITTING.
JOHN PUTS THE RECEIVER TO HIS CHEST AS HE PEERS OUT THE WINDOW TO THE BACK YARD. RAZOR JOINS JOHN IN THE SHOT TO PEER WITH GREATER INTENT OUT THE WINDOW.
EXT. A CHILD OF ABOUT SEVEN HAS CLIMBED THE FENCE, BROKEN A PALING, AND IS NOW HIDING IN A BUSH IN THE BACK YARD OF JOHN. WE SEE THE CHILD HUDDLED AND SCARED CLOSE-UP. INTO SHOT COMES RAZOR WHO COAXES THE CHILD OUT AND LEADS HER BY THE HAND TO THE SHED WHERE HE PADLOCKS HER IN. RAZOR STRIDES OFF WIPING HANDS.
RAZOR(SINGING)
I’ve taken out the trash/ just taken out the trash/ what a wonderful feeling/ I’m...happy...again/ just singing having taken out the trash.INT. JOHN RETURNS THE RECEIVER TO HIS EAR.
JOHN
I beg your pardon Kimmy – I’ll have to go – there’s a Brownie knocking at the door. See ya mate.INT. PETER LYING ON THE COUCH – HIS STOMACH STARTS TO RUMBLE. HE LOOKS DISTRESSED AMANDA PEERS UP AT HIM FROM THE FLOOR. SHE CRACKS A WALNUT. SENDS IT DOWN THE OESOPHAGUS. GINGERLY HE RISES, PAUSES AND RUSHES OFF WITH A CASE OF THE RUNS.
PETER
Not the bloody runs...again. Those bloody Brownies and their date slice. I’ll give them a date slice.HE MAKES IT TO THE TOILET.
INT. JULIA IS SQUEEZING THE LAST VESTAGES OF MAYONNAISE FROM THE PLASTIC BOTTLE. THE NOISES ARE SUITABLE. SHE MAKES THE SAUSAGE SANDWICH, SPUDS ON THE SIDE.
JULIA
Are you happy with the side you picked?MARK IS STILL ON THE BANANA LOUNGE OUT OF VIEW BUT IN EAR SHOT OF JULIA.
MARK
I can’t play on this(HE MOTIONS WITH BOTH HANDS TO THE OFFENDING ANKLE). My vice will have to take over.HE BEGINS TO PICK HIS NOSE. JULIA BRINGS HIM A DINNER. MARK OPENS THE SANDWICH AND INSPECTS THE CONTENTS, JULIA HAS ALREADY DEPARTED TO THE KITCHEN. MARK LOOKS LESS THAN IMPRRESSED WITH THE SPUDS BUT EATS THEM ANYWAY. GRIMACES A LITTLE AS HE CHEWS. HE LOOKS A LITTLE UNSTABLE.
EXT.THE BACK OF A PAIR OF BROWNIES HEADS AT A DOOR. THEY KNOCK ON THE DOOR.
EATING A DATE SLICE WHEN HE OPENS THE DOOR.
KIM
Sorry Ladies, I’ve already made my contribution for the year.FIRST BROWNIE(QUITE TALL)
Please Sir we only have one more to sell and then we can get back home for our dinners.KIM
I’m very sorry I just bought a truckload of the stuff.HE BRANDISHES THE CRUMBLING SLICE. TAKES ANOTHER BITE. HIS EYES BEGIN TO WATER. HE STANDS THERE FIGHTING THE SLICE DOWN THE TUBE.
PAUSE.
KIM
All gone!
All gone!
SECOND BROWNIE(QUITE SHORT)
No problem Mister!
THE BROWNIES GIVE HIM A BIT OF A GREASY AND DEPART.
INT.KIM GOES INTO THE TOILET AND WIPES HIS MOUTH WITH TOILET PAPER AND PUTS THE SLICE BACK IN THE FRIDGE.
KIM(LIPS NOT MOVING)
Yet another financial disaster avoided.(HE SITS IN A CHAIR) That’s one pack of date slice in 12 years.(HE SIPS A BEER) Sooner or later they’ll catch on that there is something fishy going on.(HE RUBS HIS CHIN) In that every year I answer the door eating a date slice.(HE RECLINES, HANDS ON HEAD) Cross that valley when we come to it.(HE CLOSES HIS EYES)EXT. THE BROWNIES ARE RUNNING. SEE HOW THEY RUN.
INT.PETER IS GINGERLY EXITING THE TOILET. HE IS CARRYING HIS PREVIOUS CLOTHES AND NOW WEARING VERY SHODDY GEAR – HIS TOILET WEAR. HIS OLD CLOTHES GO IN THE LAUNDRY BASKET – DOWN THE BOTTOM. AMANDA IS CRACKING NUTS ON THE FLOOR AND EATING THEM WITH A BEER CAN. SHE WRITES SOME THINGS IN PETERS EXERCISE BOOK, PONDERS A MOMENT, THEN WRITES AGAIN. SCRIBBLES SOMETHING OUT AND WRITES AGAIN. PETER SHUFFLES TO AN ARMCHAIR AND PUTS FIVE PILLOWS ON THE SEAT AND GENTLY LOWERS HIS POSTERIOR DOWN.
EXT. JOHNS DOG IS SNIFFING AT THE SHED. SOBS ARE HEARD. THE FIRST BROWNIE PEERS OVER THE FENCE. POSSIBLY LOOKING FOR THE CHILD. GIVES THE YARD A THOROUGH SEARCH VIA THE EYE SOCKETS. THE BROWNIES HEAD DISAPPEARS. THE SECOND BROWNIE LOOKS THROUGH A CRACK...IN THE FENCE.
EXT.AN OLDER CHILD THAN THE FIRST CHILD AT PETERS DOOR -PRESSES THE BUTTON.
INT. PETER AND AMANDA IN A PASSIONATE EMBRACE, AMANDA NUTCRACKER IN HAND, PETER PEN IN HAND, THE DOOR BELL RINGING. AMANDA GETS OFF – PETER LOOKING A TOUCH RELIEVED NOT TO SAY DISHEVELLED.
EXT. THE CHILD AT THE DOOR, THE DOOR OPENS.
AMANDA(AGITATED)
No more bloody Date Slice Thank You!
No more bloody Date Slice Thank You!
SHE REALISES HER MISTAKE – MAKES NO APOLOGY – PRODUCES A NUT FROM HER NIGHTIE – CRACKS IT. THE CHILD LOOKING PETURBED BEFORHAND IS NOW IN SHOCK.
AMANDA
Well what the hell do you want? Do you realise what I’ve given up to be here?(SHE LICKS HER HAND FOR TRACES OF NUTS)INT. PETER IS PRACTISING HIS HOICK TO COW-CORNER. THEN PRACTISING HIS RECOGNITION OF THE APPLAUSE. REPEATS A FEW TIMES. RESTS ON HIS BAT.
SECOND CHILD
It’s my sister Vivian. We can’t find her. Have you seen her?
INT. PETER IS NOW PRACTISING HIS BOWLING ACTION; IT’S THAT OF A TEAR-AWAY QUICK.
AMANDA
No – now bugger off.
SHE SLAMS THE DOOR. THE CHILD BREAKS INTO TEARS. PAUSES FOR A WHILE AND THEN LEAVES.
EXT. JOHN AND RAZOR ARE PLAYING LEAP-FROGGY IN THE BACK YARD IN FRONT OF THE SHED. JOHN CLIMBS OVER RAZOR’S BACK AND VICE VERSA; THEY REPEAT AGAIN AND AGAIN. A CRICKET BAT AND BALL HAVE BEEN DISCARDED ON THE LAWN. SOBBING CAN BE HEARD BENEATH THE LAUGHTER AND GIGGLING OF JOHN AND RAZOR.
INT. IN THE SHED IS ALL SORTS OF CRICKET GEAR. THE FIRST CHILD IS IN TEARS. THE SIGHT OF SO MUCH CRICKET GEAR EXACERBATES HER TRAUMA. LAUGHING AND GIGGLING IS HEARD ABOVE HER TEARS. SHE SITS AGAINST A CABINET AND A PROTECTOR FALLS ON HER. SHE IS SHOCKED. SHE PICKS UP THE PROTECTOR. SHE INSPECTS IT. SHE EVEN SNIFFS IT. SHE’S ALARMED BY THE SMELL. CONFUSED AND UPSET SHE THROWS THE PROTECTOR BACK ON TOP OF THE CABINET. UNSUCCESFUL AT FIRST, SHE BEGINS TO WEEP. FINALLY THE PROTECTOR SETTLES IN IT’S HOME. FRIGHTENED SHE STANDS IN THE CENTRE OF THE SHED – AFRAID TO MOVE. GIGGLING AND LAUGHING IS CONSTANT. THEN IT STOPS.
EXT.THE EMPTY YARD BUT FOR THE CRICKET BAT AND BALL. THE GRASS.
EXT. THE GRASS. MARK AND JULIA’S BACK YARD. MARK IN HIS BANANA LOUNGE IS LOUNGING BUT NURSING A HEAVILY BANDAGED LEFT ANKLE. IT’S RIDICULOUS. HE SUCKS ON A BEER CAN. HE EMPTIES THE CAN. TAPS ON THE CAN WITH HIS FINGERS. JULIA ENTERS WITH A FRESH ONE. EXITS WITH THE EMPTY ONE. THROUGH THE WINDOW JULIA IS TALKING TO A MAN. THAT MAN IS TONY. TONY IS LOOKING VERY SERIOUS JULIA IS LOOKING SLIGHTLY CONCERNED, SHE IS GLANCING OUT TOWARD MARK. MARK IS OBLIVIOUS. HE IS RESIGNED TO THE FACT THAT HE MAY NEVER PLAY AGAIN. JULIA AND TONY ENTER TOGETHER.
MARK
So I will never play again(SUCKS ON THE CAN). So be it. Never cared much for the game anyway.TONY AND JULIA PREPARE THEMSELVES FOR AN ONSLAUGHT.
MARK
Never cared much for the club either. Stupid left side. Never used it much anyway.(HE JUMPS UP AND PRACTISES A HOICK – DOES NOT USE HIS LEFT SIDE MUCH THEN RETURNS TO HIS LOUNGE.HE TAKES A BIG DRINK)TONY
Mark, you have to realise that you must stay off your achilles. You may never walk again. I’ve sorted you out with the good stuff from my personal stash.(HE DRIFTS OFF) The finest green this side of the Estate. From the finest stash this side of this side of the Estate.JULIA
Yes – thank you Tony. I think Mark should rest now. So piss off.
Yes – thank you Tony. I think Mark should rest now. So piss off.
TONY PRODUCES A SMILE AND A WINK. MARK IS ASHEN. JULIA IS MOTHER-HEN LIKE AND THE BANANA LOUNGE IS AS SINISTER AS ALWAYS. TONY DEPARTS AND JULIA FOLLOWS. SILENCE. MARK SIPS.
P.O.V FROM JOHNS FRONT DOOR THE SECOND CHILD COMING THROUGH THE FRONT GATE, UP THE STAIRS AND TO THE DOOR.
INT.RAZOR SITTING AND DRINKING WHEN THE DOOR BELL RINGS. RAZOR GETS UP TO ANSWER THE DOOR.
EXT.THE BACK OF THE SECOND CHILD WAITING AT THE FRONT DOOR. RAZOR OPENS THE DOOR.
SECOND CHILD
Excuse me, sorry to bother you. Have you seen my sister? SHE PRODUCES A PHOTO OF THE FIRST CHILD. RAZOR SQUINTS AND LOOKS OFF TO THE SIDE, UNCOMFORTABLY. HE SWALLOWS.
RAZOR(MOCK INDIGNANCE)
You bloody kids. We found your sister in our yard. Let this be a lesson for you. Wait here.RAZOR SHUTS THE DOOR. THE SECOND CHILD WAITS THERE. SHE WAITS FOR SOME SECONDS. THE DOOR OPENS AGAIN. RAZOR PRODUCES THE FIRST CHILD. HE USHERS HER OUT.
RAZOR
I don’t want to find you back here again.THE FIRST CHILD SMALLER THAN THE SECOND FITS UNDER HER SISTERS ARM. THEY LEAVE QUIETLY.
INT. JOHN IS IN THE BUBBLE BATH WITH A DRINK AND CUCUMBER EYES. CANDLES ALL ABOUT THE PLACE. RAZOR ENTERS WITH A DRINK AND A WEARING ONLY A TOWEL.
JOHN
Was that the door bell?
RAZOR
Brownies.
JOHN
Did you want some Date Slice?
RAZOR
Not from them.
Was that the door bell?
RAZOR
Brownies.
JOHN
Did you want some Date Slice?
RAZOR
Not from them.
RAZOR FIGHTS BACK A SMIRK. AS HE LATHERS UP HIS HANDS WITH AN EXOTIC LOTION.
EXT.MARK ON THE BANANA LOUNGE. JULIA ENTERS BEARING A PAIR OF CRUTCHES.
JULIA
Here you are, love. I used these when I had a bad leg. They’re my crutches.MARK
Yes thank you Julia I know what they are.(HE SIGHS) I’m sorry darl. JULIA PULLS A FOLDING OUTDOOR CHAIR UP TO MARK’S FEET. SHE PLACES HER HAND ON HIS RIGHT LEG. SHE LOOKS AT HIM AND SMILES. MARK TAKES A CRUTCH AND KNIGHTS JULIA.
MARK
Arise, Sir Julia.
JULIA
I’ll get us a drink.
Arise, Sir Julia.
JULIA
I’ll get us a drink.
WE FOLLOW JULIA TO THE FRIDGE FOR A CAN OF BEER. THE CAN OF BEER IN HER HAND.
INT. A CAN OF BEER IN HER HAND SHE SITS NEXT TO MARK FOR THE SATURDAY MATCH REPORTS. THE CAMERA SETTLES ON JOHN, OUT THE FRONT. HE HAS A SCOREBOOK IN HAND.
JOHN
Match reports.
(AGAIN, LOUDER)
Match Reports!
Match reports.
(AGAIN, LOUDER)
Match Reports!
JOHN STANDS OUT THE FRONT OF THE CLUB, IT BEING SO LATE CONSISTS OF ONLY SEVEN PEOPLE.
RAZOR(FIRMLY)
Match reports!
Match reports!
JOHN
Well the fourths, thirds and the seconds all played Villawood and all sides (EMPHATICALLY)lost. Thank you.JOHN RETURNS TO HIS SEAT AS PETER ASSUMES THE MANTLE.
PETER
The First Eleven travelled to Villawood and we (EMPHATICALLY)won! On a personal note I made a few runs, without a slice of luck, and did well with the ball. Thank you. Thank you all.EXT. THROUGH THE WINDOWS OF THE CLUB. SILENCE EXCEPT FOR THE CRICKETS. JOHN, PETER, AND KIM IN THEIR WHITES. ALL PRISTINE – NOT A GRASS STAIN TO BE SEEN.. KIM IS BEHIND THE BAR. AMANDA IS DRINKING WITH PETER. JOHN IS GOING OVER A SCOREBOOK. ENTER RAZOR FROM THE GENTS IN HIS WHITES, HIS KNESS ARE AS GRASS STAINED AS CAN BE. HE SITS NEXT TO JOHN. MARK IS ON A BENCH IN TRACKSUIT PANTS HIS LEG LAID UP, CRUTCHES BY HIS SIDE – JULIA BY HIS SIDE. THEY ARE ALL DRINKING. CREDITS ROLLING.
