NormThe Worms Cricket Club, Act 3, Episode 6, Channel 31 Telescript (2005)
ACT THREE
AMANDA AS IN ACT ONE.
AMANDA
I’m back. Here I am. Me. I’m back. I had a thing. It was on. It’s off now. It’s on no more. No more is it on. Now. With me is Petey. Petey! We are married. Dearest husband. Petey!
PETER ENTERS THE FRAME.
PETER
Yes.
AMANDA
Yes.
PETER
Yes.
AMANDA
Yes. Pete, I want you to share with the viewers your experience with success. Success. Yes.
PETER
I suppose I am.
AMANDA
Yes.
PETER
I’m in a hot streak.
AMANDA
It is a streak. It’s not cold
PETER
There’s a place where I go. It’s a place like any other. It’s unlike anywhere else. It’s a strange place. It’s unique. It’s a strange place. So familiar. It’s where I go. Sometimes I never leave. I’m never there. Always away. I’m home. I feel at home there. It’s strange. Familiar. Strange. Words fail me. Often I’ve called on them. Rarely have they answered. Sometimes when they did the way was silence. The way is away.
The way is someway away. Strange.
AMANDA
Don’t get me started on whey. It’s so versatile. If the curds have been eradicated then our whey is better for it. Anyway. Of a Saturday your exploits in the field are excellent, truly.
PETER
The field is one of a number. Each more like the rest than the preceding. One field of a number. That number, that number is three.
AMANDA
Yes viewers the Worms have three fields.
PETER
We all have there. When we’re playing you’ll find us in one of those fields. If we’re on one field chances are we’re on a second field. If we’re on two fields chances are you’ll find us on a third field. We’ll always have someone from one end. Up the other end is someone else. Across the fields this holds true.
AMANDA
Petey! Petey! Petey! When I see the grass being cut it excites me. The blood rushes to my lips. I just want to scream. Seeing the sun coming up, feeling the sun’s warmth all over my face, the joy is unbearable. I can barely speak at such times. Picture me mouth agape bathing in discrete packets of life from a glorious sun.
PETER
The joy is all mine. Words fail me. I call on them. My call falls on deaf ears. When I’m in the field all is silent. Words have no audible place in the field. Worms know all about fields.
AMANDA
We are the Worms. We were the Worms. Join us again next week.
PETER
Next week will be a corker.
AMANDA
A ripper.
PETER
Bonza.
AMANDA
Beaut. No, true blue.
PETER
Can’t wait. My breath is baited. Baited with invisible packets of meaning. Some use maggots, some use - dare I say it - Worms, some use squid, some use pilchards. If you catch my meaning. If you have no hook you use no bait.
AMANDA
For bait, replace the “w” with a “b” in wait.
PETER
Mawk is an Earthworm of sorts - they can be used. Once again, if you have a hook.
AMANDA
Forget the hook. I am without rod.
RAZOR(BEHIND THE CAMERA)
At least you have some lines.
AMANDA
I love getting a new rig. I love opening up a fly.
(PAUSE)
I’m getting the wind up.
(PAUSE)
Time to go.
PETER
See you next week.
PAUSE.
DARKNESS.
AMANDA AS IN ACT ONE.
AMANDA
I’m back. Here I am. Me. I’m back. I had a thing. It was on. It’s off now. It’s on no more. No more is it on. Now. With me is Petey. Petey! We are married. Dearest husband. Petey!
PETER ENTERS THE FRAME.
PETER
Yes.
AMANDA
Yes.
PETER
Yes.
AMANDA
Yes. Pete, I want you to share with the viewers your experience with success. Success. Yes.
PETER
I suppose I am.
AMANDA
Yes.
PETER
I’m in a hot streak.
AMANDA
It is a streak. It’s not cold
PETER
There’s a place where I go. It’s a place like any other. It’s unlike anywhere else. It’s a strange place. It’s unique. It’s a strange place. So familiar. It’s where I go. Sometimes I never leave. I’m never there. Always away. I’m home. I feel at home there. It’s strange. Familiar. Strange. Words fail me. Often I’ve called on them. Rarely have they answered. Sometimes when they did the way was silence. The way is away.
The way is someway away. Strange.
AMANDA
Don’t get me started on whey. It’s so versatile. If the curds have been eradicated then our whey is better for it. Anyway. Of a Saturday your exploits in the field are excellent, truly.
PETER
The field is one of a number. Each more like the rest than the preceding. One field of a number. That number, that number is three.
AMANDA
Yes viewers the Worms have three fields.
PETER
We all have there. When we’re playing you’ll find us in one of those fields. If we’re on one field chances are we’re on a second field. If we’re on two fields chances are you’ll find us on a third field. We’ll always have someone from one end. Up the other end is someone else. Across the fields this holds true.
AMANDA
Petey! Petey! Petey! When I see the grass being cut it excites me. The blood rushes to my lips. I just want to scream. Seeing the sun coming up, feeling the sun’s warmth all over my face, the joy is unbearable. I can barely speak at such times. Picture me mouth agape bathing in discrete packets of life from a glorious sun.
PETER
The joy is all mine. Words fail me. I call on them. My call falls on deaf ears. When I’m in the field all is silent. Words have no audible place in the field. Worms know all about fields.
AMANDA
We are the Worms. We were the Worms. Join us again next week.
PETER
Next week will be a corker.
AMANDA
A ripper.
PETER
Bonza.
AMANDA
Beaut. No, true blue.
PETER
Can’t wait. My breath is baited. Baited with invisible packets of meaning. Some use maggots, some use - dare I say it - Worms, some use squid, some use pilchards. If you catch my meaning. If you have no hook you use no bait.
AMANDA
For bait, replace the “w” with a “b” in wait.
PETER
Mawk is an Earthworm of sorts - they can be used. Once again, if you have a hook.
AMANDA
Forget the hook. I am without rod.
RAZOR(BEHIND THE CAMERA)
At least you have some lines.
AMANDA
I love getting a new rig. I love opening up a fly.
(PAUSE)
I’m getting the wind up.
(PAUSE)
Time to go.
PETER
See you next week.
PAUSE.
DARKNESS.
