NormEpisode 1, Act 3, The Worms Cricket Club Corner for Channel 31 (2005)
ACT THREE
AS PREVIOUSLY. MARK AS BEFORE. JULIA IN PETER’S FORMER SEAT AND KIM IN AMANDA’S.
JULIA IS DRESSED NEATLY WITH A CLUB CAP. KIM IS SLOVENLY ATTIRED. CLUB CAP BACKWARDS AND AN OUTDATED AND FADED CLUB TRACKSUIT.
MARK
Welcome Back. With us now is the wife of the Thirds captain.
KIM
Former Captain.
MARK
My wife Julia.
JULIA
Thank you.
KIM
Thanks.
MARK
The Leader of the Seconds: Kim Measly.
KIM
Thanks.
MARK
An opener and slipper.
KIM
To open you have to get right down to sniff the balls. It’s called sniffing them out. Get the nose right over them. A nostril full of a brand new nut. That’ll get the old organ pumping. Nothing quite like it. Try and occupy the crease. Crease occupation. Really dig in. Get a big one.
MARK
Any changes this week?
KIM
I consult my compass before I do anything. I like to know where I am in relation to the poles. Before that I can’t say. I could toss. The toss is the other choice. I hate choices. That’s right. Sorry. The arrow pointed South. Won’t be making changes. Don’t like the policy. Hate the policy. The policy is no good. I remember now. The poles are down and up. It’s a delicate matter. The poles move around and I stay put. I’ve changed my position. It’s all heading South.
JULIA
Is it sore?
MARK
It’s not too bad really. Without this cast I’d be in strife. I hope this is a good cast. I’m sure it will do the job. That’s all anyone can ever ask. I hope someone will write on the cast. Say nice things. It’s of no matter. The important thing is that the cast holds together. I do like having a crutch. I must say. Julia something about you.
JULIA
I can’t. I can’t. I can’t. I can’t. I can’t. Can’t. Can’t. Can’t. Can’t. Can’t. I can’t. Cycling. That’s as much about me as need be said. I fancy cycling. It’s unavoidable. A cycle. It seems wherever I go I got there by way of a cycle.
KIM
I got caught on a cycle. I had to pump up my own tyres. They became inflated. I’m working on shaping a new bat. It’s got two faces. It’s my memory. Often times I forget which way I’m facing. You see my problem.
MARK
Julia you are also a good seamer. Quite quick. I recall seeing Amanda in her pads jumping about. You are quick. Razor found you a handful too. From the first time I saw you I put my socks on. You pulled them up. They fell down.
JULIA
I won’t say anymore. Something has gone through the house. It was Rubber. He’s always dragging his shoes through. I asked Would you mind not dragging those through the house. He pretended not to notice me. He noticed me. He was bending over to inspect his sole. There was nothing there. There was. He’d stepped in something. All he kept going on about was his new ball. Dragging his sole through the house. We saw the worst of his sole. I can’t help thinking you are partly to blame. I don’t blame you.
KIM
Me?
MARK
Me? Well. They aren’t my soles. Rubber has been dragging millions of bacteria with him everywhere. Blame them. Blame him.
KIM
Me? My sole is fine. The tongue is a touch worn. It’s split. I conceal the split. I poke it back in with a fork. It comes loose. I conceal that well wouldn’t you say? My sole is pure. I had it replaced. My inners have given me all sorts of grief. I have none now. I can’t say I’ve ever had them. Somebody give me some uppers.
JULIA
Is it any wonder I cycle. I should not have to. I have to. The bell jars on mine. The bell jars. I remember Peter had a bike or was it a trike? Anyway everyone believed what he said. He said that his wheels never squeaked. Then one day they did. He got a new bike. He was always hopping onto new bikes. Much as Amanda would get Razor’s rusty old one. She would be riding around on that rusty thing waiting for Razor to corrode his current one. That is my bike she’d say. It wasn’t. Razor would say That’s not my bike. It was. Rubber knows how to distribute bikes. I know how to cycle.
KIM
Do you know Mark, why you’re sitting there and I’m sitting here?
MARK
Millions of tiny bacteria dragged me here. It couldn’t be helped. I threw myself at their mercy. They had none. Merciful millions. Some bad wiring. Nothing a little current would not hinder. I was yanked out. It was a yank. Something to do with a yank. It was contributing. We were crammed in. Packed in. I did not want to be part of the packed. I wanted no part of the yank. I was yanked. It was a case of crossed wiring. The bacteria wouldn’t stick to my thongs. I wanted their help. I did want to help them. The crutches helped. They itch. It itches. The rubber does not help. It protects the wood. That’s all it does. I don’t want my wood protected.
KIM
I like being part of the packed with the yanks.
MARK
You’re a yanker alright.
KIM
That’s right I am.
JULIA
It’s been a beaut show. We hope you will join us again. Next time. Bye. Bye. Bye.
MARK AND KIM EXCHANGE PLEASANTRIES.
THE REST COME IN TO INTERRUPT AND EXCHANGE WORDS IN FRIENDLY MANNER.
RUN C31 ADS
AS PREVIOUSLY. MARK AS BEFORE. JULIA IN PETER’S FORMER SEAT AND KIM IN AMANDA’S.
JULIA IS DRESSED NEATLY WITH A CLUB CAP. KIM IS SLOVENLY ATTIRED. CLUB CAP BACKWARDS AND AN OUTDATED AND FADED CLUB TRACKSUIT.
MARK
Welcome Back. With us now is the wife of the Thirds captain.
KIM
Former Captain.
MARK
My wife Julia.
JULIA
Thank you.
KIM
Thanks.
MARK
The Leader of the Seconds: Kim Measly.
KIM
Thanks.
MARK
An opener and slipper.
KIM
To open you have to get right down to sniff the balls. It’s called sniffing them out. Get the nose right over them. A nostril full of a brand new nut. That’ll get the old organ pumping. Nothing quite like it. Try and occupy the crease. Crease occupation. Really dig in. Get a big one.
MARK
Any changes this week?
KIM
I consult my compass before I do anything. I like to know where I am in relation to the poles. Before that I can’t say. I could toss. The toss is the other choice. I hate choices. That’s right. Sorry. The arrow pointed South. Won’t be making changes. Don’t like the policy. Hate the policy. The policy is no good. I remember now. The poles are down and up. It’s a delicate matter. The poles move around and I stay put. I’ve changed my position. It’s all heading South.
JULIA
Is it sore?
MARK
It’s not too bad really. Without this cast I’d be in strife. I hope this is a good cast. I’m sure it will do the job. That’s all anyone can ever ask. I hope someone will write on the cast. Say nice things. It’s of no matter. The important thing is that the cast holds together. I do like having a crutch. I must say. Julia something about you.
JULIA
I can’t. I can’t. I can’t. I can’t. I can’t. Can’t. Can’t. Can’t. Can’t. Can’t. I can’t. Cycling. That’s as much about me as need be said. I fancy cycling. It’s unavoidable. A cycle. It seems wherever I go I got there by way of a cycle.
KIM
I got caught on a cycle. I had to pump up my own tyres. They became inflated. I’m working on shaping a new bat. It’s got two faces. It’s my memory. Often times I forget which way I’m facing. You see my problem.
MARK
Julia you are also a good seamer. Quite quick. I recall seeing Amanda in her pads jumping about. You are quick. Razor found you a handful too. From the first time I saw you I put my socks on. You pulled them up. They fell down.
JULIA
I won’t say anymore. Something has gone through the house. It was Rubber. He’s always dragging his shoes through. I asked Would you mind not dragging those through the house. He pretended not to notice me. He noticed me. He was bending over to inspect his sole. There was nothing there. There was. He’d stepped in something. All he kept going on about was his new ball. Dragging his sole through the house. We saw the worst of his sole. I can’t help thinking you are partly to blame. I don’t blame you.
KIM
Me?
MARK
Me? Well. They aren’t my soles. Rubber has been dragging millions of bacteria with him everywhere. Blame them. Blame him.
KIM
Me? My sole is fine. The tongue is a touch worn. It’s split. I conceal the split. I poke it back in with a fork. It comes loose. I conceal that well wouldn’t you say? My sole is pure. I had it replaced. My inners have given me all sorts of grief. I have none now. I can’t say I’ve ever had them. Somebody give me some uppers.
JULIA
Is it any wonder I cycle. I should not have to. I have to. The bell jars on mine. The bell jars. I remember Peter had a bike or was it a trike? Anyway everyone believed what he said. He said that his wheels never squeaked. Then one day they did. He got a new bike. He was always hopping onto new bikes. Much as Amanda would get Razor’s rusty old one. She would be riding around on that rusty thing waiting for Razor to corrode his current one. That is my bike she’d say. It wasn’t. Razor would say That’s not my bike. It was. Rubber knows how to distribute bikes. I know how to cycle.
KIM
Do you know Mark, why you’re sitting there and I’m sitting here?
MARK
Millions of tiny bacteria dragged me here. It couldn’t be helped. I threw myself at their mercy. They had none. Merciful millions. Some bad wiring. Nothing a little current would not hinder. I was yanked out. It was a yank. Something to do with a yank. It was contributing. We were crammed in. Packed in. I did not want to be part of the packed. I wanted no part of the yank. I was yanked. It was a case of crossed wiring. The bacteria wouldn’t stick to my thongs. I wanted their help. I did want to help them. The crutches helped. They itch. It itches. The rubber does not help. It protects the wood. That’s all it does. I don’t want my wood protected.
KIM
I like being part of the packed with the yanks.
MARK
You’re a yanker alright.
KIM
That’s right I am.
JULIA
It’s been a beaut show. We hope you will join us again. Next time. Bye. Bye. Bye.
MARK AND KIM EXCHANGE PLEASANTRIES.
THE REST COME IN TO INTERRUPT AND EXCHANGE WORDS IN FRIENDLY MANNER.
RUN C31 ADS
