NormEpisode 1, Act 2, The Worms Cricket Club Corner for Channel 31(2005)
ACT TWO
AS BEFORE. MARK AS BEFORE. PETER IN RUBBER’S FORMER SEAT AND AMANDA IN RAZOR’S.
PETER IS IN THONGS AND SHORTS WITH A CLUB T-SHIRT. AMANDA IS OVERDRESSED.
MARK
Welcome back. Many years ago a young tearaway with long hair walked into our club and has not looked back. The first foot that landed in the club was a left one but ever since then he has been coming down hard with the right one. The hair has thinned and his work with the wood is better. Welcome Peter.
PETER
Thanks Ham.
MARK
It didn’t take him long before he had hooked up with his partner of thirteen years. She has made an enormous impact on the club. Welcome Amanda.
AMANDA
Pleasure Hammy.
MARK
Terrific result for you on Saturday Peter. Won the toss. You picked up another bag. Caught a hot one in the gully.
PETER
I picked up a bag. It fell into my lap. I kept it straight. They were a bit loose. A couple went through the gate. One was caught deep. I had another in close. A couple went in the slips. The slips were wide. I got a bag. One went down in the gully region. I like the gully myself. Many’s the lazy arvo I’ve spent in the gully region. Sometimes I’ll share the gully. Two in the gully. You often pick up a few that way. Many’s the arvo I’ve picked up a couple with a partner. Especially when it’s moving around a bit. I like it in close too. Closer than the gully. I don’t mind popping on the old helmet. Crouching down in close waiting. Slipping into a box with my helmet on. Sometimes they really fly off the pads. That’s when you take them. When they come off the pads they come quick. On the odd occasion they come straight off the face. That’s the time to keep the rim of the helmet low. You might wind up with a bloody face otherwise.
MARK
You made a pile of runs. Even though the pull has been the most productive you still have a glance. When you hit it past the rope what happens?
AMANDA
I retrieve the balls. I see the little red things rolling along and I scurry off. I’ve been taught to get right behind it. Cushion it’s momentum and wait. Sometimes it’s hard. I just get so anxious to handle the ball. I fumble it or the thing goes rolling between my legs. Then I pick it up and throw it back in. I do this until the sun goes down. Either way all the blokes seem to enjoy what I do. I like to lend a hand around the place. What with sandwiches and so on. Cheese is my favourite. I just have a thing for cheese. I don’t know what it is. The blokes like the soft white stuff that I have. I don’t care much for that. Just give me the cheese. Cheese and meat. Meat and cheese. I prefer the meat before the cheese. I always say Lettuce is OK. You need a good head. When the blokes say Lettuce Lettuce I just open up the crusty bits and they’re usually satisfied. Sweaty blokes need it nice and crisp. I’ve heard no complaints.
MARK
That’s really saying something. When you consider how many blokes you’ve served. There’s one incident I remember. Mandy, you had just come to the club. Pete, you had been caught on the fence. Mandy, you had a huge plate of chicken sandwiches ready for Pete.
AMANDA
Chicken sandwiches. I love chicken sangers. Cock. That’s what the French call it. I like it. I don’t know how anyone could call a Cock a Fowl.
MARK
We discussed earlier with Rubber and Razor about changes. Pete, you’re the One’s Captain, what’s your position?
PETER
There should be changes. I don’t care much for training. I think people should be picked on merit alone. If you have God-given ability that’s more important than attendance. Some people should stay in the nets. We need some people in the nets. I won’t be caught on the fence again.
MARK
No more runs for Peter.
PETER
It came out of the meat. I got a good piece of it. It was the aerial route. A slog. I’m not a slogger. It was a slog. Mandy you saw it. The man stuck a hand up. It stuck.
MARK
No more runs for Peter.
PETER
It was my brother. Him. Of all people. He put his hand up. It was the last ball. It was going to be a maiden. There weren’t many gaps. He wasn’t on the fence. He made up the ground. I was out. Christmas was uncomfortable. It was the festive season. It wasn’t festive. He made sure of that. Mandy saw it.
AMANDA
I stuck a leg out. He managed to avoid it. Not many can say that. When I stick a leg out there aren’t many blokes who can avoid winding up with a mouthful of worms. He stuck his hands up and voila. We had spaghetti for tea that night. Pete loves spag. I like ravioli. Chicken Ravioli. I love those little pockets. Cock in my little pockets. It’s hard to go past.
MARK
I think we all know your taste for poultry Amanda. Peter you also have a taste for the paltry.
PETER
How’s the foot Mark? It’s pretty hard going with an Achilles like yours.
MARK
My dodgy leg. It’s dodgy alright. It’s the bones. The vessels too. Bones and vessels. They can’t get along. My problems are structural. I need a cast. When it happened I wasn’t plastered. Now look at me. I am. I could be finished. I’ll never be finished. If I am it’ll be a first. I may have stroked my last ball.
AMANDA
That’s awful.
PETER
That is.
MARK
I’m getting the signal which means your time is up. Thanks again for joining us. Peter Rotcheese and Amanda.
PETER
Thanks Ham
AMANDA
Pleasure Hammy.
MARK
We’ll be right back with more.
RUN ADS FOR C31
AS BEFORE. MARK AS BEFORE. PETER IN RUBBER’S FORMER SEAT AND AMANDA IN RAZOR’S.
PETER IS IN THONGS AND SHORTS WITH A CLUB T-SHIRT. AMANDA IS OVERDRESSED.
MARK
Welcome back. Many years ago a young tearaway with long hair walked into our club and has not looked back. The first foot that landed in the club was a left one but ever since then he has been coming down hard with the right one. The hair has thinned and his work with the wood is better. Welcome Peter.
PETER
Thanks Ham.
MARK
It didn’t take him long before he had hooked up with his partner of thirteen years. She has made an enormous impact on the club. Welcome Amanda.
AMANDA
Pleasure Hammy.
MARK
Terrific result for you on Saturday Peter. Won the toss. You picked up another bag. Caught a hot one in the gully.
PETER
I picked up a bag. It fell into my lap. I kept it straight. They were a bit loose. A couple went through the gate. One was caught deep. I had another in close. A couple went in the slips. The slips were wide. I got a bag. One went down in the gully region. I like the gully myself. Many’s the lazy arvo I’ve spent in the gully region. Sometimes I’ll share the gully. Two in the gully. You often pick up a few that way. Many’s the arvo I’ve picked up a couple with a partner. Especially when it’s moving around a bit. I like it in close too. Closer than the gully. I don’t mind popping on the old helmet. Crouching down in close waiting. Slipping into a box with my helmet on. Sometimes they really fly off the pads. That’s when you take them. When they come off the pads they come quick. On the odd occasion they come straight off the face. That’s the time to keep the rim of the helmet low. You might wind up with a bloody face otherwise.
MARK
You made a pile of runs. Even though the pull has been the most productive you still have a glance. When you hit it past the rope what happens?
AMANDA
I retrieve the balls. I see the little red things rolling along and I scurry off. I’ve been taught to get right behind it. Cushion it’s momentum and wait. Sometimes it’s hard. I just get so anxious to handle the ball. I fumble it or the thing goes rolling between my legs. Then I pick it up and throw it back in. I do this until the sun goes down. Either way all the blokes seem to enjoy what I do. I like to lend a hand around the place. What with sandwiches and so on. Cheese is my favourite. I just have a thing for cheese. I don’t know what it is. The blokes like the soft white stuff that I have. I don’t care much for that. Just give me the cheese. Cheese and meat. Meat and cheese. I prefer the meat before the cheese. I always say Lettuce is OK. You need a good head. When the blokes say Lettuce Lettuce I just open up the crusty bits and they’re usually satisfied. Sweaty blokes need it nice and crisp. I’ve heard no complaints.
MARK
That’s really saying something. When you consider how many blokes you’ve served. There’s one incident I remember. Mandy, you had just come to the club. Pete, you had been caught on the fence. Mandy, you had a huge plate of chicken sandwiches ready for Pete.
AMANDA
Chicken sandwiches. I love chicken sangers. Cock. That’s what the French call it. I like it. I don’t know how anyone could call a Cock a Fowl.
MARK
We discussed earlier with Rubber and Razor about changes. Pete, you’re the One’s Captain, what’s your position?
PETER
There should be changes. I don’t care much for training. I think people should be picked on merit alone. If you have God-given ability that’s more important than attendance. Some people should stay in the nets. We need some people in the nets. I won’t be caught on the fence again.
MARK
No more runs for Peter.
PETER
It came out of the meat. I got a good piece of it. It was the aerial route. A slog. I’m not a slogger. It was a slog. Mandy you saw it. The man stuck a hand up. It stuck.
MARK
No more runs for Peter.
PETER
It was my brother. Him. Of all people. He put his hand up. It was the last ball. It was going to be a maiden. There weren’t many gaps. He wasn’t on the fence. He made up the ground. I was out. Christmas was uncomfortable. It was the festive season. It wasn’t festive. He made sure of that. Mandy saw it.
AMANDA
I stuck a leg out. He managed to avoid it. Not many can say that. When I stick a leg out there aren’t many blokes who can avoid winding up with a mouthful of worms. He stuck his hands up and voila. We had spaghetti for tea that night. Pete loves spag. I like ravioli. Chicken Ravioli. I love those little pockets. Cock in my little pockets. It’s hard to go past.
MARK
I think we all know your taste for poultry Amanda. Peter you also have a taste for the paltry.
PETER
How’s the foot Mark? It’s pretty hard going with an Achilles like yours.
MARK
My dodgy leg. It’s dodgy alright. It’s the bones. The vessels too. Bones and vessels. They can’t get along. My problems are structural. I need a cast. When it happened I wasn’t plastered. Now look at me. I am. I could be finished. I’ll never be finished. If I am it’ll be a first. I may have stroked my last ball.
AMANDA
That’s awful.
PETER
That is.
MARK
I’m getting the signal which means your time is up. Thanks again for joining us. Peter Rotcheese and Amanda.
PETER
Thanks Ham
AMANDA
Pleasure Hammy.
MARK
We’ll be right back with more.
RUN ADS FOR C31
