NormThe Fig Squasher and Apple Catchers
With his hands in deep pockets and kept there for all to see, Rick "The Squashed Fig" Wagner was an awkward man with the ability to scratch his nuts at all times. We all know the type. His uncomfortable way of talking with his teeth clenched, to prevent foreign bodies from penetrating, left his social victims totally at a loss. They would shake their miserable heads in disbelief and leave The Fig Squasher standing there growing redder and redder in the crotch. His victims were selected from the catalogues that found their way into his mailbox. It was a special box. It had a slit, a clock and a front door that opened out into a magnificent living quarters (albeit temporary) for envelopes, cards and other posts. Some posts are delivered by the most vaccuos, self-righteous, stupid, vapid, petty, racist people you would ever want to meet. Some, not all. So it wasn't for Arnie "Apple Catchers" Schoenberg, noted apple-eater and fly-squasher. Under his pillow he kept a glass jar full of teeth he had extracted from the dying corpes he had met online. While out catching apples one day he ran into a post that had just 'sprung up', as he recorded in his diary. He went on to say that "there are all sorts of posts out there and most of the ones I run into are simply fine". It was not what he meant to say. Wagner and Schoenberg: opposite.
